


Find Out For Yourself

by hips_of_steel



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: F/F, Suicide Attempt, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-13 09:56:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3377270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hips_of_steel/pseuds/hips_of_steel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Person A goes by an alias, to the annoyance of B. The only way B will learn A’s name is to “find that out for yourself.”</p>
<p>Anya Braginsky has been using an underground social site for years to speak to other members of the LGBTQ community. Her best friend is a user named MapleBabe, who was her first friend online. Two years after their first online meeting, they both agree to go to Hetalia University, and MapleBabe challenges Anya to discover who she really is.<br/>While trying to figure out the mystery, Anya meets Madeline Bonnefoy, a fellow member of the school's women hockey team, and develops a close friendship, all while still trying to discover and meet MapleBabe.<br/>She might be a bit closer than she thinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mystery

There’s always those ‘shady’ sites on the web. People assume that if you’re on them, you’re a bad kid or a pervert.

There’s one site though, that I love. It’s a chatroom site designed to bring in the closet kids to a safe place. There’s escape buttons on every page, and you can find support from people going through the same problems as you.

So, I guess that’s why I’ve been using this profile to meet people for the last two years.

My actual name is Anya Braginsky, though my online friends call me AnyaBee. I’ve known that I’m a lesbian from the time I realized some women like other women more than men.

I’ve never actually dated a girl. The town I’m living in is far too narrow-minded for that.

Next week though, I leave for college.

My laptop dings, and I pick it up.

_**MapleBabe is online.** _

Ah. My best friend.

**_AnyaBee:_ Hey, how’s it going tonight?**

**_MapleBabe:_ Am I allowed to murder my little brother?**

**_AnyaBee:_ What did he do this time?**

**_MapleBabe:_ He decided it was cool to draw penises all over my sketchbook cover.**

**_AnyaBee:_ What is he, twelve?!**

**_MapleBabe:_ I know. I have to go burn the front cover now and purify my sketchbook. I was so fuckin pissed.**

**_AnyaBee:_ So, ready for college?**

**_MapleBabe:_ Yep. I guess we’ll finally see each other at some point, since we’re both going to Hetalia University.**

**_AnyaBee:_ It would help if you told me your name. You know mine already.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Well, you’ll just have to find that out for yourself, Anya.**

We’ve been talking to each other nearly the whole time I’ve been on this website. Part of the reason why I haven’t actually dated anyone is because I want to meet Maple first. She’s sweet and funny, and rarely swears, unless her brother’s an idiot. However, she’s also a pro at online security. No real name, just that same phrase. You’ll just have to find that out for yourself. Drives me crazy in both bad and good ways.

We talk for a while longer, until the message _**MapleBabe has escaped**_ appears on my screen. That’s the nice thing about this site. It informs you if they just disconnected or hit the escape button. Makes it easier to figure out if you want to keep messaging someone.

I lean back, sighing. I hope I’ll be able to meet up with Maple eventually.

Hetalia University is a small private school. It’s got a huge expanse of private property to it’s name, and the campus is a gorgeous green in the middle of a big city.

Really, it was the only option I even considered when I was looking at schools. Big city instead of small town, amazing science program, and a huge GSA.

And I got a dorm with one of my best childhood friends, Odeta Laurintinas.

“Oh wow. This room is just for two people?” She stated when we entered. There was a oven and stove, a decent sized fridge and mini-freezer, and two awesome comfy beds, along with a shower-tub.

“Basically a giant badass hotel room without the TV.” I said after examining the room.

She nodded, and we settled in for the night.

I was here at Hetalia on scholarship, for which I had no shame. I was here as a player on their women’s hockey team. They were one of the few schools to offer it.

So the next day I went to meet my coach and some of my teammates.

I was a tall woman, and I almost always ended up playing offensive, which I didn’t mind. Some of the older girls greeted me with smiles.

Coach Baudin grinned. “It’s good to see you again, Anya. You’re one of two new players to join us this year.”

I nodded. “It’s good to be here.”

At that moment, another player came out onto the ice. “Coach Baudin, I’m sorry I’m late.”

The coach turned, as did I. A small blond woman was skating out towards us. “Ah, good to see you Maddie. Girls, this is Madeline Bonnefoy, our other new edition to the team. She’ll be playing defense.”

She smiled. I was a little curious. I was the tallest of the girls, but most of them were either fairly tall or pretty broad. Madeline was a whisp. How’d she even get on the team?

I soon found out.

It was a usual test to put the new kids on opposite teams and see how well they did with the team and against each other.

Almost every time I got to the goal, Maddie was there, trying to steal the puck from me. Needless to say, we were fairly bruised by the end, especially when I slammed into her at one point and we both went down.

_**AnyaBee is online** _

**_AnyaBee:_ Well, I hurt in places I didn’t even know existed.**

**_MapleBabe:_ What happened?**

**_AnyaBee:_ Hockey practice was extremely brutal. I went up against the other new player. Nice girl, kinda small for a defense player, but she was super good.**

**_MapleBabe:_ We small people have to establish we can kick the tall people’s asses sometimes, or else they forget to respect us.**

**_AnyaBee:_ I know, but ouch at the same time...**

**_MapleBabe:_ Well, how goes the search for my true name?**

**_AnyaBee:_ I’ve literally been here two days, don’t get angry at me yet.**

**_MapleBabe:_ I’m not angry, just curious.**

**_AnyaBee:_ I’ve got a class early tomorrow morning, so I’m gonna sign off now.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Okay. Good night.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Good night.**

I leaned back into my bed., glad for Advil. Odeta was watching Chopped as a study break. She was surrounded by medical textbooks.

“What’s the weirdest item in the current basket?”

“Fruit loops.”

“Mm, remind me to get some of those for breakfast sometime.”

“K.”

**_MapleBabe:_ Whatcha have for breakfast this morning?**

**_AnyaBee:_ Fruit loops in my dorm room.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Shame. Twas pancake day in the cafeteria. They actually make awesome pancakes. I was expecting something from the microwave.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Given how much we’re paying them, they’d better not fed us microwave pancakes if we decide to buy food.**

**_MapleBabe:_ It’s pancake day every Tuesday.**

**_AnyaBee:_ I’m receiving the hint, my dear. However, trying to find out who you are is not going to be narrowed down much when we are surrounded by other people.**

**_MapleBabe:_ But not all of them will be eating pancakes.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Wow, that makes it so much easier…**

**_AnyaBee:_ Do you know that there were exactly sixty-seven girls eating pancakes this morning in the cafeteria?**

**_MapleBabe:_ Sixty-eight if we count you.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Har har har how do you know I didn’t smuggle in some oatmeal?**

**_MapleBabe:_ That’s easy. I saw you.**

**_AnyaBee_ : ...**

**_AnyaBee:_ ...**

**_AnyaBee:_ you’re kinda mean, you know that?**

**_MapleBabe:_ Well, that’s not very nice.**

Maple and I talked nearly every day, though not very long after hockey practice, because I was usually ready to pass out.

In hockey however, I struck up a friendship with Maddie. She was gorgeous, and loved the sport. I learned she’d been raised by two dads. Her papa had gotten married to another man when she was about five.

“And that’s how I got a younger sibling. No actual relation, just by marriage. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love them.”

“I’ve got two sisters. One older, one younger. Their names are Sofia and Natalia.”

“Oi, Bonnefoy, Braginsky, get over here.”

“Yes Coach!” We both shouted and then skated over.

**_MapleBabe:_ So, have you come to any conclusions on my identity yet?**

**_AnyaBee:_ No.**

**_MapleBabe:_ We’ve been in school two months. I’m at pancake day every day, eating pancakes.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Yeah, I’ve narrowed that list down to about fourteen girls you could be.**

**_MapleBabe:_ I saw you had eggs this morning.**

**_AnyaBee:_ I’m not as loyal to pancakes as you must be.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Only because they are delicious and one can cover them in syrup and also it’s not just flapjacks. There are crepes, potato pancakes, all sorts of flat, delicious food you can make in a pan.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Like hamburgers.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Now you just sound like my brother…**

****

Winter break came, and with it, dread.

I didn’t want to go home to see my family. If it was just my sisters, I would be fine, but my parents were not people I wanted to be around.

When I told Maddie about my dread, she nodded. “I just might have a solution.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. My papa loves having people over for Christmas. Dad’s not particularly social, but if papa insists, he’ll be fine. So, why don’t you come over to my house for Christmas?”

I paused. “Maddie, what religion are you?”

“Well, it’s weird. Papa is Catholic, dad’s Church of England, and both Alfred and I are protestant.”

“I’m Eastern Orthodox. I don’t actually celebrate Christmas on December 25th. I celebrate Epiphany on January 6th.”

Maddie paused. “Well, then there will just have to be a second celebration for Epiphany at my house.”

****

**_MapleBabe:_ So how’s it going?**

**_AnyaBee:_ I’m fairly happy. I don’t have to go home for Christmas.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Really? Where are you going?**

**_AnyaBee:_ To Maddie’s house. She’s the other freshman hockey player, in case you don’t remember.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Oh no, my Anya’s going to another girl’s house! How dreadful! I must speak to this Maddie and tell her you’re off-limits!**

**_AnyaBee:_ Are you trying to write a jealousy sub-plot into my friendship?**

**_MapleBabe:_ No, I’m being a sarcastic butt.**

**_AnyaBee:_ I was also being sarcastic.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Love you.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Love you too.**

****

Maddie’s house was a strange culture clash in a way.

I met her papa Francis. He was borned and raised in France, and seemed to be a flirtatious man, though Maddie told me despite the demeanor, he was only in love with her dad.

Arthur Kirkland was a stiff-backed, permanently on edge Englishman. He and Francis were always having little arguments, but you could tell there wasn’t any real venom in their voices. It was more like their way of teasing each other.

Maddie’s brother was a sophomore in high school. Alfred Kirkland spent most of his time in his room, ignoring us.

“He’s been acting weird lately. Don’t worry, it’s not you.”

I spent most of my time in Maddie’s room, and there I finally confided to her.

“I’m a lesbian.”

She looked at me, and then nodded. “Okay.”

She was the first person I’d ever actually said the words to, and soon I found myself spilling out everything. How I figured it out, joining the website, meeting MapleBabe, how I knew she was a student at Hetalia, but I still wasn’t sure who. How I thought I loved her, but I was beginning to feel like maybe she was just toying with me.

“I mean, I know she’s just worried about her life being compromised, but I just wish I knew who she was. It would make it hurt less when she tells me how good I’m doing in hockey, or how she knew what I had for breakfast on Pancake Tuesday.”

Maddie nodded. “That sounds pretty rough, Anya. I’m sorry.”

“The worst thing is just not knowing.”

She nodded, and then took my hand. “It’ll be okay. You’ll figure it out eventually.”

**_MapleBabe:_ How are you, y dear?**

**_AnyaBee:_ Good.**

**_MapleBabe_ : Happy Epiphany.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Thanks.**

**_AnyaBee:_ BTW, you left the M off my.**

**_MapleBabe:_ M**

**_AnyaBee:_ Wow, such fix.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Wow, such grammer you has.**

**_MapleBabe:_ We’re a back at the old Hetalia University.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Yep.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Random question, have you ever just said Hetalia over and over again.**

**_AnyaBee:_ No…**

**_MapleBabe:_ It’s really fun. Try it.**

**_AnyaBee:_ No thanks.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Fine. HETALIA HETALIA HETALIA HETALIA HETALIA HETALIA HETALIA HETALI-**

**_MapleBabe:_ -A**

_**AnyaBee has disconnected** _

**_MapleBabe:_ Fine, spoilsport.**

Christmas had been good. Maddie’s whole family respected my religion, and Francis even offered to drive me to the nearest Eastern Orthodox Church, which I accepted.

After I came back from services, Maddie handed my a little box. “I thought you might like this when I saw it.”

I lifted the lid off the box, and inside, made of colored glass, was a sunflower.

“You had the image taped in your locker of a big Mammoth Russian sunflower, and I thought you might…”

“It’s beautiful. Thank you, Maddie.”

She smiled, and I nearly said something, but then stopped myself.

“Oh, and we made something special for you for dinner.”

I raised an eyebrow, and Maddie guided me into the kitchen-dining room. Francis had just finished setting the table. He turned and smiled. “I looked up some recipes online. I hope that nothing seems like I was stereotyping your heritage.”

Breads, fish, soups, and more. It seemed like an attempt at a nice Russian meal with a French twist.

“Thank you, Francis. I…” I wanted to cry, in a way. “It’s…”

“You don’t have to say anymore, Anya.” He smiled at me. “I’m just glad that you’re having a good time.”

**_MapleBabe:_ Do you miss your parents a lot?**

**_AnyaBee:_ No. I miss my sisters. Sofia moved out, and she’s living with other people, but it’s too close to feel like I can visit. And poor Natalia’s got another two years before she can leave.**

**_MapleBabe:_ I’m sorry.**

**_AnyaBee:_ What about you?**

**_MapleBabe:_ I had a really nice Christmas at home, though my brother decided to hide nearly the whole time. I wasn’t sure if I was glad or mad about it. I mean, I haven’t really got to see him since I left in the fall.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Well, he’ll come to realize how awesome you are eventually.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Oh god, you sound like one of my uncles. He never stops saying awesome.**

**_MapleBee:_ It’s probably the first world he learned. Just like “Awesome blah blah awesome awesome awesome ME!”**

**_AnyaBee:_ I will try to avoid accidentally impersonating your uncle in the future.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Ow...**

**_AnyaBee:_ What happened?**

**_MapleBabe:_ Roommate threw her DD bra in my face. She just finished her laundry.**

**_AnyaBee:_ At least it’s clean…?**

**_MapleBabe:_ WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!**

**_MapleBabe:_ And we'll keep on fighting 'til the end. We are the champions. We are the champions. No time for losers...**

**_AnyaBee:_ Are you going to keep typing Queen lyrics?**

**_MapleBabe:_ Shut up.**

**_MapleBabe:_ And yes.**

**_MapleBabe:_ 'Cause we are the champions...**

**_MapleBabe:_ OF THE WORLD!!!**

**_AnyaBee_ : I see you have heard the hockey results.**

**_MapleBabe:_ My dear, I was there cheering you on.**

**_AnyaBee:_ I’m glad you were able to come today.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Yep. Though to be honest, I kinda think we need to change the spelling of hockey.**

**_AnyaBee:_ ...Why?...**

**_MapleBabe:_ Just think about it. Hock-i**

**_MapleBee:_ Except without the dash.**

**_MapleBabe:_ It’s Tuesday, oh glorious pancake TuEsday!**

**_AnyaBee:_ I’ve narrowed it down to eight.**

**_MapleBabe:_ It’s February 7th. You’ve got a few more days until the day of love. Which coincidentally, is the next Pancake day.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Whee, thanks for reminding me.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Yee of so little faith. I’ve been giving you clues since January.**

**_AnyaBee:_ What are you talking about?**

**MapleBabe: I knew that by keeping this game going so long, you were gonna need some help. Go back to our chats since New Year’s, and use your code-breaking skills to find my hints.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Alright. I’ll play along for now.**

****

I groaned, and Odeta looked over. “You okay?”

“Supposedly I’ve been missing the coded message this girl has been sending me.”

Odeta paused. “Remember when we used to pass coded notes back and forth?”

“Yeah.”

“She’ll have probably used something that hid in plain sight. Otherwise it would have been too obvious.”

“Very helpful.”

Odeta shrugged, and returned to her textbook.

****

Two days later, I sat in the library, thinking.

Maddie came up. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, just that Maple told me she’s been sending me coded messages since January.”

“A code? That’s kinda cool. Alfred and I used to send each other coded messages.”

“What type of code did you use?”

“Oh, I’d purposely misspell a word, and the missing letter or capitalized one was one of the letters in the word. Then I put them in order to spell the word.”

I paused. “That’s a weird code.”

“But it worked. Papa and dad never figured it out.”

Maddie’s phone suddenly started ringing. “Oh, I’ve got to take this. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, same.”

I waited until Maddie had left, and then I tried her code. Maple was almost always a proud member of the grammar and spelling police. Misspells or weird spellings would be obvious.

****** **

**M**

**A**

**I**

**E**

**_MapleBabe:_ So, any luck today?**

**_AnyaBee:_ Maie.**

**_MapleBabe:_ No.**

**_AnyaBee:_ The M left off of my, the hetali-A, the suggestion to spell hockey hock-i, and TuEsday.**

**_MapleBabe:_ So close. You are so close!**

**_AnyaBee:_ But not right?**

**_MapleBabe:_ No, not right.**

****** **

I might have just slammed my head into a brick wall. I paused before typing again.

****** **

**_AnyaBee:_ Where are the missing letters?**

**_MapleBabe:_ MA-IE**

_**AnyaBee has disconnected.** _

****** **

I found the date window in which I was looking at, and re-read every entry.

No misspells or strange grammar.

“Where are you, Maple?”

I scrolled through it again when I found the comment about her uncle. I stopped to laugh, until I realized that she’d capitalized ME

**MAMEIE** wasn’t a name though, unless Maple’s parents had an unusually cruel sense of humor.

I started to scroll down again, and then stopped.

**_MapleBabe:_ Roommate threw her DD bra in my face. She just finished her laundry.**

DD…

I wrote it down, wondering, doubting.

But the name in front of me was one I knew.

**MADDIE**


	2. Anger

The next day was hockey practice. I didn’t really talk for the whole time.

Coach Baudin came up to me. “Are you sick, Braginsky? You look pretty tired today.”

“I’m fine, I just…” I started to say, but then I started coughing. And not a quiet little cough. No, it was a cough that could make mountains shake.

“Alright, this isn’t an option. Go back to your dorm and get some rest. That’s my order.”

“Yes, Coach.”

I skated back over to the locker rooms right as Maddie was coming out.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I replied, and then went past her without another glance.

_**MapleBabe is online.** _

**_MapleBabe:_ Hey, did you figure it out?**

**_AnyaBee:_ Go away.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Why?**

**_AnyaBee:_ Because I’m fucking pissed at you, and punching myself for not realizing it earlier.**

**_MapleBabe:_ What did I do?**

**_AnyaBee:_ What haven’t you done? Lied to my face, pretended to care.**

**_MapleBabe:_ What in motherfucking hell are you talking about?**

**_AnyaBee:_ Your name is Madeline (MADDIE) Bonnefoy. MB isn’t MapleBabe, it’s your initials. You pretended to be a stranger, when I knew you the whole time. You pretended that you were watching the hockey game, when in fact you were out on the ice. You invited me over to your house, and THEN PRETENDED TO BE JEALOUS. YOU LISTENED TO ME SPILL MY HEART OUT, AND SAID NOTHING. YOU’RE THE FIRST PERSON I EVER CAME OUT TO IN REAL LIFE, AND IT WAS ALL JUST A SHAM.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Anya, that’s not true.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Really? Oh really? Your name’s not Maddie then, huh? I should have known. Little brother, only one actual parent. What threw me off was the fact that you said YOU WERE UNABLE TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND, OR AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT YOU TOLD ME.**

**_MapleBabe:_ That is true.**

**_AnyaBee:_ You have two dads. They would understand.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Two dads is a lot different than two moms.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Sure.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Anya Braginsky, you listen to me right now! My papa told me that he prays that I’m going to be straight. My dad yelled at Alfred for wearing one of my dresses once. Two gay dads do not mean they want lesbian daughters or transgender sons!**

**_MapleBabe:_ Anya, you think you know how it feels, and you do, but let me tell you why Al’s been so quiet. Because he’s afraid. Because SHE’S afraid. My GAY parents wouldn’t be happy if I was a lesbian, but they’d live. However, if AMELIA KIRKLAND told them the truth, she’d be out on the street in five seconds.**

**_MapleBabe:_ You don’t know me, Anya. I thought you’d understand. Guess I was wrong.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Maddie, I...**

**_AnyaBee:_ Maddie, I’m sorry.**

_**MapleBabe has disconnected.** _

The next few days were spent in silence at hockey practice. I tried to apologize, but there was nothing I could do.

Valentine’s Day came and went. Maddie said nothing, just marched off after practice while blasting Beyonce’s All The Single Ladies.

I didn’t know what to do.

Finally, I monitored her MapleBabe profile, and looked at her recent friend additions. Eventually, I found a likely candidate.

_**Freedom Jones has accepted your friend request.** _

_**Freedom Jones is online.** _

**_Freedom Jones:_ Hey, you’re Anya, aren’t you?**

**_AnyaBee:_ Yeah. Alfred?**

**_Freedom Jones:_ Yep.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Maddie said you prefer Amelia.**

**_Freedom Jones:_ Only online. Too dangerous to be Amelia at home.**

**_AnyaBee:_ I’m sorry about that.**

**_Freedom Jones:_ Hey, did you piss Maddie off or something? She’s been acting weird lately.**

**_AnyaBee:_ I said some really stupid things. I thought she’d been just messing around with me when I found out you had two dads. She rightfully turned around and yelled right back at me.**

**_Freedom Jones:_ I know how you feel. It’s so strangely hypocritical. Two gay men who don’t like lesbians and hate transgender people.  **

**_AnyaBee:_ I knew gender can be a problem in all homes, but I thought your dads would at least be more accepting of sexualities.**

**_Freedom Jones:_ Nope, but I have a boyfriend. He understands who I am, and he’s cool with it either way. Guess that’s the benefit of dating a bisexual.**

**_AnyaBee:_ That’s good. At least you have someone.**

**_Freedom Jones:_ You know, until I came out to Maddie, she only had you to talk to. Don’t give up on her yet. She’s just hurt.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Okay.**

**_Freedom Jones:_ Take care of yourself, Anya.**

**_AnyaBee:_ You too, Amelia.**

_**Freedom Jones has disconnected.** _

“Maddie?” I spoke quietly.

“What?” She turned, and her voice had a bite to it.

“I’m sorry. I really am. I just wish you’d told me, hinted at it. Something.”

“Yeah, well it’s too late to take it back.” She replied, and then turned her attention back to her phone. She was standing at the bus stop. She made a run to the grocery store every Friday morning if we were in town.

“Look, I talked to Amelia…”

“What?! Anya, you have no right to…”

“I sent a friend request, she started the chat. The only question I asked was me confirming it was her.”

Maddie still seemed angry.

“I’m sorry that I’m a douchebag instead of a friend.”

Maddie still didn’t speak.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah. See ya.”

_**MapleBabe is online.** _

**_MapleBabe:_ Why were you talking to Anya?**

**_Freedom Jones:_ Why aren’t YOU talking TO Anya?**

**_MapleBabe:_ That’s none of your business.**

**_Freedom Jones:_ Same here.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Amelia, you know it’s dangerous to let people know who you are on these sites.**

**_Freedom Jones:_ Yeah, but at least I’m not treating my friends like shit.**

**_MapleBabe:_ What do you mean by that?**

**_Freedom Jones:_ Anya might have said some stupid things, but you haven’t exactly been treating her nicely. For two years you hid, and then, while you knew exactly who she was, you forced her to play a guessing game. No wonder she feels betrayed. You watched her every move and never admitted it to her.**

**_MapleBabe:_ I was playing it safe.**

**_Freedom Jones:_ The time for playing it ‘safe’ is over, Maddie. For all of us.**

**_MapleBabe:_ What do you mean by that?**

_**Freedom Jones has disconnected.** _

 

My cell started ringing at one in the morning.

“Fuck.” I groaned, trying to grab it before Odeta woke up, but I missed and just knocked it onto the floor..

“I hate you.” She muttered under her breath.

“I’ll make it up to you in the morning.” I said, grabbing the phone and clicking ACCEPT. I stood and walked into the bathroom. “Who’s this?”

“Anya, it’s Maddie.”

“Why are you calling me right now?!”

“It’s an emergency. Amelia’s disappeared, and she left a letter for my parents.”

I paused. “Did they kick her out?!”

“No, she just ran. Dad’s out trying to find her, and papa’s at home, but they’re both upset and I have no clue where she’d be going.”

I nodded. “Where are you?”

“I’m at the bus depot, asking incoming drivers if they’ve seen her, well, him. They wouldn’t believe me if I said her.”

“I’ll be out in a bit. I’ll call you if I find anything.”

“It’s raining. Be careful.”

I hung up the phone, and turned on my lamp. “What’s going on?” Odeta asked as I pulled out a set of clothes.

“Friend’s younger sibling ran away. She asked me to help.”

“Need me to tell Baudin if she comes looking?”

“Yeah.I’ll pay you back with free food or something when I return.”

Odeta made a hand motion that said _Okay now turn off the lights_. I pulled on my heavy trench coat, thick warm hat, and my favorite scarf. Combat boots, leather gloves, knife in pocket (always present in case of emergencies), and once I grabbed my flashlight and car keys, I was ready to go.

****

After three hours, I was beginning to lose hope.

Maddie called every ten minutes or so, hoping. But I’d found nothing.

“Maddie, she might already be out of town…”

“She wouldn’t. She’s smart, she’d stay in the area so I could help her!”

“Okay, whatever you say.”

At about six, the sun began to lighten the eastern sky. I started to turn around to pick up Maddie, until I thought of something.

I entered a Wi-Fi cafe, and after buying a coffee, pulled out my phone.

I went to Freedom Jones’s profile. The site was a social network, and I knew about some codes.

I read the bio Amelia had written.

**hEY fellOw internet beings. the Name is freedom, freedom jones. i’m a transgenDer girl just trying to live her life free from her father’s tyranny! all people welcome here, long as you Aren’t creeps_K, i’ll talk to you in the chatrooms.**

That hadn’t been the bio she’d had earlier. It had all the same info, but it had been written for someone else.

Someone who knew a certain code.

_**HONDA_K** _

I went to the profile. Bisexual boy. This was it. She knew either Maddie or I would get the message.

I sent a request, and it was answered in minutes.

_**HONDA_K has accepted your friend request.** _

**_HONDA_K:_ Hey Anya, it’s Amelia. I’m just using Kiku’s profile right now.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Everyone’s out looking for you. Maddie’s at the bus depot, your dad’s wandering the streets, and your papa’s at home waiting for you to come back.**

**_HONDA_K:_ I don’t want to go back until I know what they think about me.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Can I at least tell them I’ve contacted you and that you’re safe.**

**_HONDA_K:_ Yeah, as long as you don’t tell Maddie how to get a hold of me. I don’t want to talk to her at the moment.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Then you’d better decode your bio quick, and unfriend Kiku if you’re friends.**

**_HONDA_K:_ No, I use a separate profile to talk to him, and he’s the only one I talk to on that profile.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Smart girl.**

_**HONDA_K has disconnected.** _

_**HONDA_K is online.** _

_**HONDA_K:** _ **Bio decoded. Thanks for letting me hide for now, Anya.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Yeah, I just hope your sister doesn’t flay me. I’m gonna de-friend you now just to cover your tracks.**

**_HONDA_K:_ Thanks.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Take care.**

**_HONDA_K:_ Will do.**

_**AnyaBee has disconnected.** _

_**AnyaBee is no longer your friend.** _


	3. Fear

I should have just swallowed a grenade.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, TO STOP LOOKING?” Maddie shouted when I called her.

“She contacted me. She won’t come home until she knows how your parents are acting. She told me she’s at a safe place with a friend.”

“And why did she call you when she could have called me?!”

“She didn’t call me, used a profile on the site, and then she deleted it! I have no way of contacting her again!”

Well, that was a lie. Kiku’s profile had two friends on it, and one of them was definitely not Amelia, because last time I checked, Amelia was not Chinese. But I had to help her out.

“I’m gonna call my dad. And don’t think you’re getting off the hook. Go to my house and you’re going to be the one explaining this to my dads.”

I did not look forward to that at all. I could see Arthur ripping out my throat in extremely vivid details. I sighed and drove to the house.

Francis came running out. “Anya, Maddie said you were helping her? Any luck?”

I shook my head. “Maddie’s going to be coming back here soon, Mr. Bonnefoy. Let’s get inside and wait.”

When the wet angry Englishman and _I will snap your neck after you explain this_ hockey player entered the house, I once again regretted not swallowing a grenade.

I began by taking a deep breath, and then spoke. “Alfred contacted me.”

Dead silence. Air could have been cut with a butter knife.

“He said that he was in a safe location, and wasn’t going to come home until he knew it was safe to come home.”

Arthur stood. “What is that supposed to mean?! Are you implying we’re abusive?!!”

“No, that was simply what he said.”

Francis looked up, and I could tell he was deeply hurt. “Why wouldn’t Alfred think it was safe to be here?”

I paused, and looked at Maddie. “Should I explain?” I asked, trying to imply my desperate wish not to out Alfred.

She paused, and then shook her head. “I need to go grab something.” She stood and went upstairs.

We all sat at the table, Francis ready to burst into tears, Arthur practically breathing fire, and me silently contemplating my death.

Maddie returned and handed something over to her parents. “He told me to keep it hidden.” A cardboard box. They opened it, and hundreds of papers spilled out. I saw a lot of articles.

_Transgender Protestors Not Accepted…_

_Costs of Gender Reassignment…_

_How to Act Like A Woman Before Reassignment…_

_Switch Your Gender! See yourself as you really are!_

At the bottom sat a small stack of drawings.

It started with self portraits, obviously a very male Alfred, but slowly it morphed, until we were staring at a drawing of a young woman with an obvious cowlick, bright blue eyes tucked behind glasses, a WWII bomber jacket, and shoulder length hair.

Francis turned it over, and there it was written clearly.

**Won’t it be fun to be Amelia? Yes it will, because she’s the real me! I’ll finally be free as Amelia, and then I can go to protests, be a spokeswoman, and maybe even be a hero for all genders! Three cheers for AMELIA FREEDOM JONES!!!**

They sat in shock. I looked at Maddie, hoping for some guidance, but she seemed as lost as I was.

Finally Arthur leaned into the wall. “Shit…” Then he turned and punched the wall. “GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!”

“Dad…” Maddie started.

“Don’t dad me! My son is going to throw his life away for some stupid dream, wreck his body, and probably end his life in some ditch somewhere doing drugs! No, that is not going to happen!”

I stood. “Mr. Kirkland, I disagree.”

“You aren’t part of this family, Anya Braginsky.”

“No, but I want to ask you a question. When did you first realize you were gay?”

He turned, and snarled. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”

Francis stood. “It was a different time, dear. One couldn’t tell their family of friends about these things.”

I shook my head. “You say it’s a different time, but it’s not. You couldn’t tell your parents about your friends, or your lovers. You’d never say it to them. You spend years hiding it, pretending to be someone you’re not. You have kids, try to start families, when in fact, you’re just miserable. What’s changed? Nothing. Amelia is Amelia. She’s the same child that she was the day she was born. Perhaps you’ve just been thinking of her the wrong way.”

Arthur started towards me. “You act like you know things, but you don’t!”

“Alright, let me tell this one to you. My sister was kicked out of the house when she was seventeen because she wasn’t a virgin. Didn’t matter to my parents that it was rape, she was gone. And they still invited the rapist over for dinner afterwards, because my sister had been ‘lying about it all’. I went out and bought a crowbar and throwing knives. My little sister learned to aim to kill, and I learned how to crack skulls open. I still haven’t even told my parents that I’m a lesbian, because I’m afraid they’ll beat my little sister! You say times have changed, but they haven’t!”

I didn’t realize I was crying until my shouting was done. Maddie was crying too. I’d told her about all of it when I just knew her as a girl named MapleBabe.

Arthur looked deflated, Francis concerned.

I turned and spoke. “I’m going to head back to the campus now. I’ll tell you when Amelia reaches out again.”

Maddie followed me, and when I reached the door, she spoke. “Anya, I’m sorry about earlier on the phone, I’m just…”

“Don’t fret, I know you just want her home and safe.”

She nodded, and then plucked at her sleeve. It was a nervous habit she’d told be about before. I paused, waiting.

“Take care, AnyaBee.”

“Stay safe, MapleBabe.”

_**LifeNLiberty is online.** _

**_LifeNLiberty:_ How did it go?**

**_AnyaBee:_ I should have just eaten some explosives.**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ That bad, huh?**

**_AnyaBee:_ I don’t know about Francis. He seemed shocked, and worried, but part of that could just be because of your dad, and also the fact that they still don’t know where you are.**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ In the city still, but it’s a big place, and they can’t search every inch.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Your dad kept saying ‘son’. He’s gonna be the worst of the two.**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ Gee, couldn’t see that one coming.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Maddie’s been trying to work on them, but I don’t think it’s going that well.**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ How’s she holding up?**

**_AnyaBee:_ She wants you back home. And she was also going to destroy me for not telling her how to find you.**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ Yeah, that’s my big sister all right.**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ But how are you doing?**

**_AnyaBee:_ I’m okay.**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ You don’t seem okay.**

**_AnyaBee:_ I said some very personal stuff in front of your dads and then I kinda ended up sitting in my car and sobbing so I feel like I’ve been run over with a truck.**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ May I ask what it was about?**

**_AnyaBee:_ My family life and my sisters.**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ Are your parents assholes too?**

**_AnyaBee:_ Assholes is too nice of a word for them. They ruined my older sister’s whole life, and my little sister is still living with them. I don’t even know if she’s safe.**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ I’m sorry.**

**_AnyaBee:_ It’s okay. She’ll get away from them soon enough.**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ I gotta go. Honda’s parents are calling us down to dinner. He says hello, by the way.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Hello back, and also goodbye.**

On Sunday night I was just leaving a bad movie with Odeta (we did it once a month so she could have something else to talk about) when I got a phone call.

I picked it up, not recognizing the number. “Hello?”

“Anya, it’s me.”

I knew that voice. “Natalia?”

“I need you to come and get me as soon as you can. Sofia won’t pick up her phone.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at a payphone next to the old bus stop. I’ve barricaded myself inside. Someone was in the house, Anya! Mom and dad are gone, but someone was in the house, and they were in my room!”

I nodded, and took a deep breath. “I’ll be right there, okay. You have your knives, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Stay calm. I’ll be there soon.”

The phone clicked and I turned to Odeta. “Slight change in plans. We’ve got to head out to the old neighborhood.”

Natalia practically ran out of the phone booth to come embrace me. She was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, not her usual clothes. And her hair was wet too.

“Come on, let’s get you out of here.”

Odeta drove us back to the campus while Natalia clung to me and told me everything. “I was in the shower, the door was locked, but I heard it rattle. I snuck over to the door, but it wasn’t mom or dad. I heard footsteps moving down the hall, and the screeching noise of my door opening. I’d left the water on, so I dried off, grabbed what I could find in the laundry basket, and climbed out the window. I saw the lights on in my room, and I ran away so fast.”

I stroked her hair, and eventually we reached the campus. “Do you want to stay in our room tonight?”

She nodded.

The next morning I was woken up by a thundering knock.

“Oi, Braginsky!”

I ran to the door and opened it. “Yes Coach Baudin?”

She looked pissed. “I don’t mean to pry, dear, but you know our campus takes matters of dorm rooms remaining segregated very seriously, correct?”

“Yes. That’s why girl’s dorms are over here, boys dorms are one the other side of campus, and unsexed dorms are carefully policed.”

Baudin nodded. “I got a report from the night monitor that three people entered this room last night, and I want to know right now who you brought in. And don’t deny it.”

At that moment Natalia came out of the bathroom. “Anya, you’re out of soap… um, hello?”

“Coach Baudin, this is my younger sister Natalia.”

Coach Baudin paused for a moment, looking my sister up and down. She was still wearing sweatpants from last night, and looked secretly terrified. The coach finally spoke. “You’re Anya’s sister, huh?”

“Yes.”

“Which number was she on her old hockey team?”

“She was number 4, on the girl’s varsity team. The team name was the Red Sickle, and Anya was awesome.”

Apparently only my sister would know this, because Baudin visibly relaxed. “Alright. Anya, may I speak with you outside for a moment?”

I stepped out, shutting the door behind me. “Yes?”

“Why is she here?”

“Someone broke into the house last night. She came right here.”

“She should have called the police.”

I wanted to laugh. Instead I shook my head. “Where we live, it isn’t an option. The police wouldn’t even bother to drive down the street, much less come inside. And besides, my parents would have just accused her of stirring up trouble when they got home.”

The coach sighed. “I’m not going to report you today, but she cannot stay here. I’ll give you until tomorrow, and then if she’s still here, it’s been reported.”

I nodded. “Thanks coach.”

“Don’t make me regret putting my ass on the line, alright?”

**_MapleBabe:_ Coach seemed pissed off today, didn’t she?**

**_AnyaBee:_ I’m in trouble.**

**_MapleBabe:_ What happened?**

**_AnyaBee:_ My little sis spent last night in my dorm room. Someone broke into the house. Mom and dad are on a trip, and she had nowhere else to go. And if she’s not somewhere else by tomorrow, Baudin’s gonna report me.**

**_MapleBabe:_ Is she okay?**

**_AnyaBee:_ Yeah, but I don’t know where she’s gonna go. She can’t go back home, it’s too risky.**

**_MapleBabe:_ I have an idea.**

**_AnyaBee:_ What is it?**

**_MapleBabe:_ Come over to my house. Nat can stay here.**

**_AnyaBee:_ You really think your dads will be cool with that?**

**_MapleBabe:_ They’d better be, or else I’ll make them.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Guess it’s worth a shot.**


	4. Pain

Natalia didn’t seem comfortable. “This house is huge and I don’t know these people.”

“It’ll be okay. They won’t hurt you, and it’s not like the crime bosses swing through here.”

“How do you know that?” She stated, her hands sitting right above where her knives were hidden.

“Okay, they’re definitely not going to attack you because they are gay. Francis is a bit of a flirt, but he is gayer than gay. Also, they have their own daughter, so they’ll respect your privacy. Just consider the difference between this house and home.”

Natalia sighed. “Fine, let’s go in.”

We entered the house to find Maddie talking to Arthur. Given his red face, I knew they’d been fighting. She turned and smiled. “Ah, Natalia. Good to meet you!”

Natalia nodded, a little taken aback. Maddie was all smiles and sunshine however. “You can stay in my room while you’re here, since I’ll be going back to school tomorrow. I think papa and I saved some of my old clothes in the attic, and they might fit you.”

The bubble parade dragged my sister upstairs. I sighed in relief, until Arthur turned to me.

“Get out.”

“What?”

“I’ll shelter your sister because Maddie asked, but I don’t want you in this house. Get out.”

“Angleterre, that’s no way to treat a guest.” Francis said, sweeping into the room in an explosion of color. That seemed to anger the Englishman more. “You’re welcome to stay for dinner, Anya.”

I shook my head. “No, I don’t want to impose.”

Francis cast a glare at Arthur, and then turned to me. “If you cannot stay for dinner, then I will take you out for dinner. Maddie prepared something for Natalia, but there is a nice little cafe a few streets over that I think you would enjoy…” He said this all while pulling a coat on. “And since you and Maddie have been such good friends, we owe it to you.”

Arthur started to move to the door.

“Angleterre, I thought you told me that you needed to finish the quilt you were making tonight. Why don’t you stay here and do that?”

Before he could object, Francis had grabbed my arm and pulled me out the door.

When we arrived at the cafe, we were greeted by an angry young man.

“Oh, it’s you.” He said, sounding less than thrilled.

“Lovino! How is the business going?”

“Fine, you bastard.”

The place was practically empty, and a slightly older man came out of the kitchens. “Francis! Who’s the young woman with you? Don’t tell me I have to report you to Arthur.”

“I only have the purest intentions for this fine young woman, Antonio. May I have the booth in the back?”

“Only if you answer a question.” Lovino responded, and then turned to me. “What’s the name, beautiful and intimidating?”

I glared at him.

“Okay, fine, try to flirt with a pretty girl and…” Lovino started to say, but the other man unsubtlety kicked him in the shin. This was followed by a volley of curses and a lot of shouting as Francis and I escorted ourselves to the back table.

After placing our orders with Antonio, Francis spoke to me. “Anya, I know that I’ve said a few things that perhaps don’t make me seem like a great parent, but I want to try and get better.”

I paused, and then spoke. “What exactly are you saying?”

“I am a little less rigid in my views than Arthur. I want Al- Amelia back home. I want to support her as much as I can. I want her to know that no matter what, we’ll always be her family.”

“You have to be more sensitive about these things, and listen to her when she talks about it.”

“Yes, I know. I have a lot to learn, for both my daughters. Maddie told me that she was a lesbian yesterday. It’s… well, it’s a lot to take in.”

I nodded.

“Are you and Maddie involved?”

“No, we’re friends, but we aren’t dating.”

He nodded, and then spoke. “If you can talk to Amelia someway, tell her that I love her and want her home, okay? And also tell her that I will fully support her in any argument against Arthur.”

I nodded.

We ate our meals with a constant stream of chatter. Antonio and Francis had been friends for a long time, and despite the flirting, I quickly realized Lovino was in love with Antonio.

As Francis and I finally departed, I asked him. “What’s between Lovino and Antonio?”

“They’ve been friends for years. Lovino’s been trying to drop hints to Antonio this whole time, but he’s been painfully oblivious. Antonio’s the only person in this whole town that doesn’t realize Lovino’s in love with him.”

“That must be a pain in the ass.”

“Oh, it is. Arthur was the same way. You could drop all the hints you wanted, but unless you say it to them directly, they won’t ever figure it out.”

We went back to the house. Francis invited me in.

Natalia came over and spoke. “Hey, thanks for bringing me here.”

She had visibly relaxed somewhat, and was even wearing a new set of clothes, although they were slightly musty.

I nodded. “I have to go back to the dorms now. Are you going to be okay here?”

“Yeah.”

_**AnyaBee is online** _

**_AnyaBee:_ Hey, I have some news.**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ Is it the type that makes me leap up and down with joy?**

**_AnyaBee:_ Francis took me out to dinner tonight and told me that he loves you no matter what. He even referred to you with female pronouns, though once he slipped up and called you Al. But overall, he did pretty well.**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ What about my biological dad?**

**_AnyaBee:_ Francis said he’d help you in all the fights you have with him.**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ That’s not enough.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Amelia, I don’t want to pressure you, but you’ve been gone for two weeks now. Don’t you think it’s time to come home?**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ No. I want my dad to love me. Francis might have helped raised me, but he’s not family the same way that dad is. Until dad is at least going to try and accept me, I’m not going home.**

**_AnyaBee:_ Okay. Stay safe, alright?**

**_LifeNLiberty:_ Will do. Good night.**

Natalia called me every day. Sofia started to visit her at the Bonnefoy-Kirkland house. My parents decided it was good riddance and just dropped all of Natalia’s stuff off in the middle of the night.

I continued at school. It was April now, and spring term was coming to a close. Hockey season was over, and I was able to focus on my studies.

Maddie and I were laying on the floor with textbooks in front of us. I was quizzing myself on my astronomy, she was practicing her explanations of the carbon cycle in nature. Odeta was off in one of her finals already. I didn’t understand how she was able to keep going.

Suddenly my computer beeped. I sighed and went over to see what it wanted.

_**HONDA_K has sent you a message.** _

**_HONDA_K asks:_ Anya, you need to get over to Mercy Hospital right now. Amelia’s in the emergency room, and it looks pretty bad. Please respond ASAP.**

I froze and then typed a reply back.

**_AnyaBee:_ Maddie with me. Will be there ASAP.**

I turned and slammed my books shut. “Study time is over. We have to go.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Amelia’s in the hospital.”

We arrived as fast as we could. A young man approached us. I guessed he was Honda.

“Maddie, Anya?”

I nodded. “Are you Honda?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s going on?”

“Maddie, met Amelia’s boyfriend. She’s been living with him since the end of February.”

Maddie paused, and then growled at me. “You’ve been in touch with her the whole time, haven’t you?”

I didn’t answer with the proper response. “Look, we have more pressing things to think about right now. What happened?”

Honda sat down in the nearest chair. “We were standing at the bus stop, and she was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said she was just tired. I went over to get her a cup of coffee when suddenly she sprinted out into the middle of the street. A car just slammed into her…”

His voice faded out, and then he shook with sobs held inside.

Maddie looked terrified. I paused, and then spoke. “Should I call your dads?”

She nodded, sitting down next to Honda.

I called the house and got Arthur. “Hello?”

“Hello Arthur, it’s Anya…”

“I don’t want to talk to you right now, Anya.”

“Arthur, it’s important.”

He hung up. That pissed me off. I tried Francis’s cell, but it was turned off, because I just got a pre-recorded _This number is not available at this time_ message.

I finally called another cell number, the newest addition to my contacts.

After a few attempts, I was answered. “Anya, I’m at school, this had better be good. My new teachers already don’t like me a lot.”

“Look, I need you to call Arthur and tell him his kid is in the hospital. I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn’t listen and Francis has his phone turned off. Just tell him that we’re at Mercy Hospital’s ER, and he needs to get here now.”

There was a pause, and then she spoke. “Will do.”

Half an hour later, a stressed Englishman entered the ER. He saw us and came right over. “What’s going on?”

“Amelia tried to kill herself.” I stated.

“You mean Alfred.”

Madeline stood up. “No, we mean Amelia.”

He glared at me, even though he was speaking to Maddie. “Alfred is your brother. He is not a girl, nor was he named Amelia.”

Honda hadn’t said anything yet. I think he was trying to disappear. After all, the angry Englishman didn’t know Honda had been hiding Amelia since February.

I grabbed Arthur’s arm and pulled him up. He was shorter than I was, and the movement startled him. I stared at him. “Listen to me right now, Arthur Kirkland.”

He tried to pull free, but I didn’t let go. Finally he stopped. “What do you want?”

“I want you to understand something very important. You said that if Alfred became Amelia, he’d be throwing his life away, and end up dead in a ditch. What you don’t understand is how he’ll get there. If there’s no one to love him, no one to talk to, he will be dead. Amelia told me something while she was gone. She doesn’t care how much Maddie, Francis, her boyfriends, and her other friends try to help her. The person whose love she wants most is yours. You’re her biological father, the man who raised her. You say that no son of yours will throw their lives away for some stupid dream, but what you don’t see is who destroyed them in the first place.”

“What are you implying?”

“If you decide you don’t want to be part of Amelia’s life because she’s not what you want, then maybe you’re the reason she’ll be dead in a ditch. She said she was tired. What was she tired of, I wonder, except I don’t have to. She was tired of not having your love, and that’s why she stepped out onto that street. That’s why she let herself be hit by that car. She was exhausted, and you were the reason.”

Maddie stared at me.

“If you don’t want to accept Amelia, then I don’t think you’re going to ever have a daughter or a son. If you continue to hate her, then I suspect that she will never come home. Maybe it’ll be because she’s dead, but I think she’s stronger than that. I think it’ll be because she knew the only way she could survive was to avoid you for the rest of her life.”

He stared at me as well now. I dropped his arm.

“If you won’t love your child, then they don’t need you as a parent.” I stated.

A nurse came out. “Honda?” He stood. “She’s out of surgery now. Is this his- I mean, her family?”

“Yeah.”

Arthur turned towards Honda, looking confused. 

“She’s in the ICU. You can go back and see her, although she’s asleep.”

They guided us to the ICU, and Honda and Maddie went in. But I stopped and blocked Arthur from entering.

“What are you doing?"

“Asking you to make a choice.”

“Right now?”

I nodded. “If you don’t want to accept Amelia as who she is, then you are going to turn around and leave.”

“You can’t do this. I’m her father! I mean, his father!”

I looked at him for a long time. He seemed to turn cherry red.

“Arthur, tell me, is that your son whom you’re going to force to be miserable every day the rest of his life, or is that the daughter you’ve lovingly raised?”

He paused, and then leaned against the wall, visibly shaking.

“I just don’t want something to happen. I raised him since he was born, loved him, cooked for him, sang him to sleep. I want him to be safe.”

“Then let Alfred go, and welcome Amelia into your heart.”

At that moment, Francis came down the hall. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t know anything until Natalia called me!”

Arthur turned and pulled the Frenchman into the hug, and began to cry. Francis looked at me, his eyes growing wide with worry. I mouthed _She’s fine_ to him, and he relaxed a little.

Finally Arthur spoke. “I’ve been a horrible father.”

“Angleterre…”

“She needed me, but I couldn’t do it. God fucking damn it, it’s all my fault, isn’t it?”

Francis started cooing and calming Arthur, guiding him over to a bench and sitting him down. I paused, and then headed into the ICU.

Kiku sat in the chair, staring, and Maddie stood nearby, looking at her sister.

There were still some incredibly obvious masculine features, such as the darkening of her facial hair, but Amelia’s hair was longer. Down to her shoulders in a bob-style, with big loose curls.

There was a cut across the side of her face, and she was bandaged on nearly every inch of her body. Her glasses, cracked, had been set off to the side.

Maddie turned to face me. “How is he?”

“Your papa arrived, and he’s not doing all that great, but I think we’ve had a breakthrough.”

She nodded, and then looked at her watch. “You know, Nat’s at the house right now.”

“I’ll go out and stay with her if you want.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

We both exited the ICU. Maddie went over to her dads. She took Arthur’s hands, and he looked up at her.

“Wanna go see how Amelia’s doing dad?”

He paused, and then nodded. “Let’s go see her.”

I smiled a little. That slight change gave me the smallest hope for a victory, more than I had had for a while.


	5. Hope

When I got to the Bonnefoy-Kirkland house, I opened the door to find Sofia standing in the living room.

“Anya!”

“Sofia! What are you doing here?”

“Natalia called and wanted some company, so here I am! You’re just in time for dinner. I made something we could all agree on.”

We ate the meal, and despite my internal worries, I was able to relax a little. Sofia and Natalia laughed with each other and even I had to chuckle a few times.

Finally, we sent Natalia to bed, because she had school tomorrow.

“Hey, you have school too!”

“It’s college. I have a little more naptime than you do. Now go on!”

She complied, and then Sofia and I spoke alone.

“How’s it been going?”

“Okay. The stress has been reduced now that Natalia’s living here instead of at home.”

“Yeah, I think we can both agree that was good for all of us.”

We sipped at tea.

“Sofia?”

“Yeah?”

“What happened that night?”

She paused, and then spoke.

“You and Nat were asleep upstairs when he came in. I’d been watching TV. I didn’t have school tomorrow. At first I didn’t think anything off it. Told him mom and dad weren’t home, and he should come back later.”

“He said he wanted to talk to me, and he offered me a drink. I’d watched him take a sip earlier, so I figured it was fine. But there’s a big difference between a sip and the whole glass he poured for me.”

“Next thing I knew, I was trying to push him away, but I couldn’t. Didn’t even use a condom. He just said that I was his now, and that I should just live with that fact.”

“Woke up the next morning to mom and dad over me. Dad said he’d sign the parental consent for marriage, but I told him I wouldn’t marry the guy. He said if I wouldn’t marry him, I couldn’t live there anymore. He gave me a week to decide.”

“In the end, as you know, I got thrown out. That man tried to rape me again in the street about two months later, but I stabbed him and… I ran. And except to talk to you and Nat, I never looked back.”

I sat in the silence before asking. “Did he die?”

“No, but it was enough. He never came after me again. After that, I found some shelters, and met Elizabeta and Roderich. And as you know, I’ve been living with them as well as Ludwig and Feliciano for a while now.”

She stood. “I should probably go home now.”

I nodded, and then we walked out to her car together.

“Hey, Sofia?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m a lesbian.”

She paused, and then smiled. “I’m glad that you felt you could tell me. I love you, Anya, in every aspect that is you.”

My sister left and I went back inside.

Natalia had came down the steps. I knew she hadn’t been asleep.

“Hey, let’s go sleep.”

“Okay.”

After three weeks at the hospital/psych ward, Amelia came home.

I sat and watched her. She looked kinda stunned, and also worried.

Then, in a move that surprised me most of all, Natalia went over and began to talk to Amelia. They talked back and forth, and soon you couldn’t even pull them apart from each other, they were too engrossed in their conversation.

I went into the kitchen. Arthur was talking to Francis in a whisper, and Francis was either listening or correcting him depending on what was needed.

“Where’s Maddie?”

Francis looked up and smiled. “She’s out back under the maple tree.”

I headed out into the backyard and went over to her. She was sitting at the base of the tree, writing in a notebook.

“Hey.”

“How’s everything inside?”

“Nat and Amelia are getting along pretty well. Your dads are in the kitchen cooking… well, Francis is cooking, and Arthur is standing nearby.”

“Good. We don’t need a repeat of the last time he cooked.”

I sat next to her. “How is it inside your head?”

“I’m fine. Told Arthur I was a lesbian yesterday. He had an internal freak out, and then hugged me, so I guess it’s cool.”

I nodded, and then leaned over, nestling my head into Maddie’s shoulder.

I felt her pause, and then she turned. “Hey, Anya?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

I didn’t respond for a moment, and then I looked up at her.  “Madeline, I love you too.”

She smiled a little, in that small quiet way of hers. She set her notebook down and then looking at me, whispered. “I think an apology is long overdue.”

“You don’t need to apologize…” I started, but she put a finger to my lips, and then tilted my head up. I meet her gaze, a deep violet as compared to my light lavender.

She leaned in, and then, only inches from my face, spoke. “May I?”

I nodded.

We kissed under that maple tree, our hearts young, happy, and finally able to rest.

_Epilogue_

“Natalia, remember to breath!” Amelia shouted as she ran down the hall after Natalia.

I laughed a little. They’d finally decided Natalia needed to be moved to the delivery room, and now Amelia had to rush to keep up.

Maddie came back with a cup of coffee. “Sofia’s on her way, and dad and papa are headed back as well.”

I nodded.

“Oh, and I’m sure papa took the liberty of calling Antonio and Gilbert.”

“Let the parade of insanity begin.”

Amelia and Natalia ended up getting married in the end. Kiku was still Amelia’s best friend, however. And now Natalia was about to give Maddie and me a niece or nephew.

Francis burst into the room in a colored blur. “Where are they? Did we miss it?!”

“They just took her in for delivery, papa. Calm down.”

Arthur came in behind him, panting a little. “Can you restrain him for five minutes? Or else I’m going to be the one in the hospital bed.”

I leaned back in my chair, reading a book. On my hand a gold ring glinted with a dark purple stone. Maddie’s wedding ring was silver with a paler purple stone.

“Maddie, when am I going to get grandchildren from you?”

Madeline picked up a magazine. “When you convince Anya to get pregnant.”

“Not today, Francis.” I responded before he could beg me. “I don’t think flying into space is all that great for pregnant ladies.”

I was supposed to go up in two months to the ISS. Maddie and I had agreed it was an opportunity I shouldn’t miss. But we’d already decided something that would make Francis incredibly happy. When I got back, Maddie and I were going to start looking around for donors.

And the baby was going to be Maddie’s. I might give birth to it, but I wasn’t wanting to pass on the alcoholic genes that were incredibly strong in my family.

Finally Amelia came running in. She was beautiful in her right body now. “It’s a boy!”

Francis stood up grinning, as did Arthur. Maddie smiled, and I grinned.

Half an hour later, we crowded around Natalia’s bed as she looked at the little bassinet. Amelia grinned, the proud father/mother of this child.

“So what’s his name?” Francis asked.

“For now, his name is Nicholas Andrew Jones.” Amelia said, grinning. When she’d changed her name to Amelia, she’d also changed her last name to Jones. Apparently it had been her mother’s maiden name. Arthur didn’t seem too upset by it. Apparently Amelia had always wanted to do it, even when she was still little.

Natalia smiled. “Little Nick.”

“Should we dress him up in red for Christmas?” I asked jokingly.

A sudden shout from outside heralded the arrival of Antonio and Lovino. Lovino rushed into the room. He scowled as he shoved his way through the onlookers, and then cooed. “He’s so fucking cute.”

Well, coming from Lovino, that was a coo.

Antonio joked with Francis about something, and I noticed the glint of metal on Antonio’s hand. _Finally…_

For the next hour, people arrived to simply look at this new addition. Amelia proudly grinned and Natalia seemed happier than she had been in a long time. Gilbert came in with a lot of awesomes to be said, and then invited the new _dad-mom_ out for a drink. Amelia politely told him that if he ever called her that again, she’d rip his throat out, and then accepted, although at a later date than that night.

Sofia arrived last, and then she pulled something out from a package.

“I left the name section blank. I only put his birthday. One day, when he’s older, he can tell me what his name is and I’ll add it on.”

It was a huge quilt, for when he was older, with animals and plants and more. Natalia smiled. “Once he’s big enough, he’ll sleep with this every night.”

We all looked down at the tiny blue bundle fast asleep, and I felt something well up inside me. Something that I’d never been sure I’d be able to feel around a child.

I whispered it under my breath, and Maddie looked at me. “Huh?”

“You’re blessed, Nicky. You’ve got a family who will let you be whatever you want to be, whether that be boy or girl, gay or straight, we’ll love you just the same.”

Maddie smiled and took my hand. “Let’s go, the room is getting crowded.”

We said goodbye, and before I left, I looked down at Nicholas one last time.

It was a big feeling, with only one name.

_Hope._


End file.
